Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
