mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
