I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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