I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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