i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
