so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
