so that wasnt chicken after all
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
