my room smells like sperm. sweet.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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