i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
