So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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