just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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