Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
