I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
