once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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