Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
