the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
