Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
