I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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