I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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