you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize