Do you still have your period?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
