I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The adults are the big ones right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
