Will you blow on my dice?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
