Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
