I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
