Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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