fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
