Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
