Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
