3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
