remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
