there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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