Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
