and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
