You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
