i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
