Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
