If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
