I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
