I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
