shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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