worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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