Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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