I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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