I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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