if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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