my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
