Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
