mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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