wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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