dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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