he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
