You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
