i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
