dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
