She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
