I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
