Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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