i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
