HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
