it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
