do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
