the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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