Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
